Distance happens....

I feel like I have neglected so much in the last few months, I am really not even sure where to start.  Over the course of the last 2 months, Jason and I have really put the "fear of Jesus" in Satan!  I can tell that our family has him running scared and he has been frantically and persistantly pulling out all the stops in his pursuit of our lives. Our new commitments to bible study, the children's church, the music minstry, the arena ministry, our new found reliance and confidence God's provisions, and Jason's decision to follow Christ in baptism have really got that no good devil on the ropes and so he has met us with every attempt to make us doubt our one TRUE Father. Now make no mistake, there has not been a shortage in Gods blessing, mercy, or provisions...of course not GOD always make sure those are abundant, but as it says in John 8:44 the Devil is the "father of lies" and he has a way of spinning, weaving, and decieving us into thinking the World is just fine and we can just live in it, for it, and explain away whatever feels good to us.  Several Wednesdays ago, CR said that if you ever let the devil know your weakness then  he will fully attack that spot and I see that he is fighting for our minds and hearts in the way you fight when you are just hanging on and reaching for some thing that is slipping from your grasp.

Focus gets lost in the shuffle of fullfilling duties.  True value gets lost in the world of personal emotions and feelings.  When the world gets busy, even those of us who know better will allow ourselves to get hung up in the race and we forget that God doesn't expect us to be all things to all people...WE expect us to be all things to all people!  He just wants us to be his child.  We are the ones who take on more than we can really handle, we take on more than we must and in the undertaking, We sacrifice our time WITH him for times of "service" to him, or maybe that is just what we call it.  Last night at Wednesday night service, CR talked about the importance of getting in God's word every night and falling in love with the best love story ever written.  It closes the gap that can be created by the fast pace of the world.  Its hard not be strong and confident in his love for you when you are reading about it from those who saw it and experienced it first hand.  Consider me REFOCUSED!

Having said all this, God is so blatant in his love for us and he can be just as blatant in his instruction for our lives.  Jason and I have struggles and challenges which is not a surprise because lets face it...we all do!  New to blind faith, when something comes up that seems to be impossible for us, we continually fall victim to the old habits of trying to "figure something out" so that "we" can fix it, get it, or make it happen.  We are slow to learn that its not OURS to "fix, get, or make happen".  That's God's department.  What seems to be "earthly" impossible is simply solved by God and devine intervention.  Enter "THE HORSE DILEMA".  Blake has moved in with us and is in love with a lariat rope (we are screaming inside with joy at this fact)!  He went to the roping school at church and David Key was amazing.  Blake appears to have a natural talent for heeling, and suddenly we are in need a horse for him.  Of course, a heel horse costs money and while Best Choice Fencing is being blessed and staying busy, we are not currently building up a massive discretionary fund that can be spent on toys and fun stuff like heel horses.  We talked to Blake after the school and told him that if he would be patient, we would find something that would be a good fit for him, but it could be a few months.  Immediately Jason and I began to pray that a horse would be put in our path that would work for Blake as well as the funds to purchase said horse.  4 days later....that's right, I said 4 days later JY sent me a text that said I got Blake a horse.  I thought, I guess you found a money tree too!  No Money Tree, the horse belongs to a guy that JY and Glen have done some work for, who also happened to be at the roping school.  The horse is in his pasture, he is decidedly cheaper than what we were expecting to have to spend and the payment arrangement is very very condusive to what we are able to do!Praise God he has delivered what we needed once again.  BLATANT LOVE!

Blatant INSTRUCTION:  JY had a hard day yesterday dealing with financial concerns and pressures of providing for our family.  He was at home and I was at school so he was alone.  Typically I take on the reassuring role when he begins to panic and he does the same for me, but yesterday I was busy at school and he, for some reason (devil in his ear), was not able to shake the anxiety.  When I got home I could tell that something big had happened because he was acting sort of funny.  So when he said, "Let me tell you about what happened to me today", I got a little bit nervous.  He said "I had a bad morning.  I had to pay several bills, I checked my bank account (both of these phrases never mix well and always mean he's in a bad mood) and I just got upset so I prayed and I felt a little better.  All afternoon I would feel myself getting upset, I think I was about to hyperventilate and I would stop and pray.  I prayed about 3 times today about our finances. It was time to pick Blake up from school, so I got in the car and I was listening to 104.1.  When I got to the school to pick him up I turned the music down and we talked for a little bit.  Once we were on the road again, I turned up the radio and my radio was on a totally different station.  It was on a totally different radio band!  It was on 90.7 (not a station he has programmed) and there was a guy talking and I heard him say something about financial freedom.  I listened for a second and he said that everyone should strive be finanically free to serve God, but the only way anyone would achieve finanical freedom is by desiring freedom for the right reasons.  He said that focusing on God and his ministry and having a desire to serve would allow you to become and remain free from finanical burdens and debt.  He said Erin, It was so clear to me that God wanted me to hear that."  Now please know that I am sure I got some of the words and phrasing wrong from the man on the radio, but I know I did not misunderstand God message to Jason and neither did he!  Get your heart and mind on serving me and I will give you all the tools you need to bring me glory! 

From my reading today:

 Acts 2:25 "For David says concerning Him:  I foresaw the Lord always before my face, For he is at my right hand, that I may not be shaken. 

Chaos, Clarity, Comfort

So this week at school has been so very HARD!  I have, for the first time in my entire life as a 5th grade teacher, actually laid in bed every morning this week thinking of ways to call in sick.  I tossed them all around, Mental Health Day, my throat is scratchy, my guts are running, my dog died, you name it, I thought about it!  (I went, don't worry mom!)  You see the craziest things have been happening and I have felt totally out of control and in utter chaos in my classroom.  Now for a person who is an orderly, collected person, one source of chaos is no reason to hide under the covers.  Uncomfortable maybe but hardly a reason to duck out of your responsibility.   For ME, a person who has the internal make up of a natural disaster, the additional chaos and source of unknown was really more than I could bare.  I need at least one place to hold structure in my world and that source has changed greatly for me in the last 3 months.

Let me lay this out for you!  4 months ago, JY had a job that was predictable, not the best job for our family, but we knew when he left, when he got home and most importantly WHEN HE GOT PAID! STRUCTURE. We had a routine and my classroom was on track....orderly and planned out!  I had a schedule for extra activities, as well as a schedule for home.  Bath time, bedtime and good morning time, it was all in order!  STRUCTURE.  Now don't get me wrong, the schedules were not exact and often times we would break routines, but they were in place in theory and there were very few variables to consider when decisions and/or plans had to be made.  So with all this structure, the Tasmanian devil that lives in my mind was not an issue and only played havoc on me.  Having always been a person with an overactive mind, (I put the FIRST "D" IN ADD) I have learned to channel the "beast within" into a productive work horse of ideas and creativity (and possibly a slightly overactive mouth), as long as life is structured and unknown is in check.

Now move to this week!  JY is so blessed and happy and he is home and he has a new career that the Lord is so faithfully blessing, but the old saying that God's timing is always perfect and right on time has taken on a new meaning.  ON TIME is NEVER EARLY!!!! ENTER financial UNKNOWN.  This time of year always brings about added stress and strain for teachers.  The pressure of state mandated testing, coupled with the fact that our performance and reputation as teachers is placed in the hands of 10 and 11 year olds or even scarier teenagers...makes for a slightly frazzled teacher lady!  Usually this is not a life changing ordeal.  Maybe on a bad day I have a perma-scowl all night and JY has to listen to the rantings of a mad women, but hardly anything to make me consider a career change.  So with this weeks mood change and serious thoughts of re-entering the world of corporate America (eeeekkkkkk), come Thursday enough was enough.  I had worked late all week (6 pm or later), my principal was planning to be in my classroom the following week for my annual evaluation, and I still had no IDEA what I was going to teach my kids on Monday and I was exhausted.  As I left the building at (6:30) to face my one hour drive home I sent up the words I know that God has been waiting on all week.  I said "Lord, take this away.  Please remove the things in my mind that are hindering my progress and Satan, I rebuke you from entering my classroom again!  Father, please send clarity to me in your son Jesus Christ name I pray AMEN!"  At that point I realized that I had left my iPad in my classroom and I went back in my room to get it.  My friend and teaching partner was still there...(the whole teachers work from 8:00 to 4:00 and get 3 months off for summer is a total urban myth).  I went in her room and my oh my how the break down flooded me.  Suddenly I was able to put it all together.  JY's new job, my classroom, this new state test that is completely foreign to me, all this uncertainty has been just more than I could handle, but WHY (for the life of me I will never know) WAS I TRYING TO HANDLE IT MYSELF!  The devil is sooo sneaky! I had no idea he was there or that I was with holding anything at all, in fact it seemed like business as usual.  But as I stood there trying to explain to Sarah (poor girl) what I was feeling and why I was having such a hard time I began to tear up.  You see when you are a person of chaos, you can not live in chaos!  When I left her room, I got it!  The clarity I had just prayed for was delivered to me in a matter of 10 minutes in the hands of a person who had not a clue that she was being God's messenger!  She did not say a word except "I am so sorry", but she listened as I allowed the Lord to walk me through it and work it out!

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest"  (red letters).  He means that stuff people!  And it doesn't even need to be a "heavy" burden because God wants to be your source of comfort! STRUCTURE!

I am still so naive and childlike in my walk with God, but every single day he shows me something new!  Everyday he opens a door for me and he even takes the time to lead me through it (sometimes he drags me because I am not sure he really knows what he is doing or who he is doing it to).  This week we ended our 4 week bible study (JYs first bible study ever) based on the movie COURAGEOUS and throughout this process the Lord has been spurring me on (Heb 10:24)  We are going to start a new small group at our church for young adults and continue to learn what God expects of us as parents/mentors of his children!  We are also going to do a little "gaming" with the kiddos and show them what REAL grace and athleticism really looks like!  This week I will be praying that this group is blessed and that I can share just a little bit of what God has done for us with my brothers and sisters in Christ.  May God Bless you All in a way that you would know it comes from him!

Final funny story for those of you who are familiar with JY!  Right after we started going to Heritage Trail, we went to a little play day and he saw a good friend of ours preach a message between events.  He said "wow, that was so cool to see someone like me up there giving that message"  he is not a preacher and he doesn't talk all fancy but he gave a good message that was easy to understand and I think that is really cool"  So I said...I know, I love that this church is so accessible to everyone and that everyone has a voice to share God's word!  He said "I know what your thinking and don't you dare go off and start volunteering me for a bible study or to lead a group or anything!"  1 1/2 years later...he finished his first bible study, stood in front of the entire church and publicly took the Courageous resolution, and we will be leading our first small group next week!  THE POWER OF GOD IS TRULY AWESOME!
ey    

Lessons learned the GOD way

This year has brought about many changes in my life.  Some I was aware of and some I had no idea were changing even though I was painfully aware they needed to change.  If there is one thing I have learned about my relationship with the Father, it is that he does not approach me with big booming enlightenment, but rather through the course random comments, questions and conversations.  Each one is completely isolated from the other, and yet they that are blatantly related.  He of course does this because he knows me...he made me!  I am not one to just have things handed to me.  I thrive on putting things together.  I like looking at the small pieces of the puzzle and how they all go together to achieve the "big picture".   I need to see it, then see it again, then I need to make the connections in order to really let it sink in, you see I am what you call a problem solver!  Knowing this, God really plays with me!  I picture him up there dropping clues in my path, then watching me with anticipation and then delighting in that light bulb moment that I, as a teacher, long to see in my students.

Growing up in a christian home, I learned very quickly the difference between right and wrong and I learned those things "by the seat of my pants" as they say!  My parents had a strong grip on the ole "spare the rod spoil the child" verse and regardless of what else may go wrong, that was one they held on to and truly lived out daily...for some of us (Brad and me) they lived it out "hourly".  I also learned about repentance and the importance of making changes in order to better please God and live a Godly life.  As an adult, when the worldly desires and ways began to take hold of me, I began to feel the pressure and conflict created between the things I knew to be morally and spiritually right and the "earthly" things that I had come to enjoy.  Enter CHILDREN!!!  I began to search for the way to end the discomfort of my conscience and in doing so I found an amazing church family.  Soon after my involvement with my church family I began to feel a burning desire to serve the Lord in a greater capacity than my home and daily life.  While this was exciting and all, I knew that I still had lots of things in my life that were holding me back.  SOOOOO like any good praying, christian girl I began to "give those things to God".  That is what I had been instructed to do my my spiritual advisers and by those strong Christians that I so badly wanted to be in cohoots with.  I prayed and I prayed and I asked God to take those bad things away and I could not understand why my desire for worldly things was not being quenched...I was after all "giving them to God".  Then I stumbled on a few other people who I immediately began to read and study about.  I heard them speak, I read the books by the people who inspired them into action and I began to see a different way to serve, and oh how that fire got bigger!  Then one Wednesday night it all began to click for me and I had the greatest epiphany that a person can have...the fog cleared and I saw the answers so clearly to what had been my biggest struggles in my personal desire to change.  My pastor devotes our Wednesday night service to PRAYER.  How to pray, when to pray, what to pray, and how to put the power and authority of God in your heart through prayer and reading God's Word.  He said one night..."There are people in this room that the Lord wants as servants, and I pray that as God continues to call you them they will hear it and be in prayer about being his servant.  If  you will pray that God reveal his plan for your life and pray that he will turn you into the servant that he desires you to be, then God will transform you." (some paraphrasing here but you get the picture)  When I heard these words I immediately realized that I had been going about this all wrong.  God wants to work on ALL of me...not just the warts!  So I began to pray just like Brother C.R. told me to.  I began to pray that God make me his servant.  I would lift up my desire to spread his Glory and that my deepest desire was to serve him.  Without knowing it, the Lord has been working on me for the last year, but since I began to pray that prayer, he has become "a better Ty Pennington in a new version of EXTREME MAKEOVER... the HEART AND SOUL EDITION" 

Example: 
Pre Servants Prayer....Teachers are paid 1time per month.  I had been known to be what my mother lovingly term as a "clothes horse" (translation:  a clothes hoarder completely driven by need to have new clothing at least once per week....maybe more...or at least until my money ran out!) This need resulted in my checkbook being a sad sad place approximately 10 days after payday with 20 painful days remaining to survive before the next check where to process would repeat itself once more.  After I was married, you could immediately insert the words "arguing" after painful because JY was none to happy with the fact that he had to give me money for the remaining 3 weeks of the month!

Post Servants Prayer....Still only being paid 1 time per month.  With the exception of a Christmas dress, I have not  made a clothing purchase in a very long time, and I really had not even noticed until one day at school.  A girl at school asked me "Why don't you wear all your crazy, cute, funky clothes anymore...I miss them"  my response was..."I don't really know...I guess I just don't think about it really."  This conversation made me take notice of a complete shift in my thinking and I realized that gone were the days when getting up in the morning centered on what I was going to wear, and what looked cute.  I really did not think about that anymore...replaced was..."Lord, please allow me the honor and privilege of showing someone your love today" and "Father, make me your servant so that I can bring you people into your kingdom."

It was the blink of an eye and all that focus on me was gone, replaced with "what else can I do for my Savior".  I had not even missed it or noticed it changed!  The Lord will heal your afflictions, he will answer your prayers, and he will make you his servant, but what I have learned this past few weeks is that God doesn't only want the WARTS, he wants the good things too!  He wants to use us for his purpose but you have to give him your life....the bad and the good!   Surrender doesn't just mean give him your troubles, he wants those but he wants your happiness, your praise, your acknowledgment that he is your creator.  He gave us the good and the bad for his purpose and until we give him our heart, he can not use them for his glory. 

James 4:7
Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

Trusting his timing...even when it seems his watch has stopped!

There is the little piece of decor hanging in our teacher's lounge at school and it boast one of my favorite sayings.   This has sort of become my "mantra" if you will, and I often repeat it to myself when my controlling, impatient, and sometimes overly caffeinated other side comes to the surface and I start trying to "force" things to happen in my life!  It states:  "Faith in God includes trusting his timing"...elloquent, accurate, yet ever so challenging to do for an over achiever with a tendency for ADHD!  So this year I have decided  that I will continue my crusade for demonstrating that my faith DOES IN FACT INCLUDE...trust in his timing!

Insert the reason for my focus on "timing";)  Jason has began his quest for self employment and boy has the Lord been with my family in this endeavor.  Now while most would choose to start a business during the better months of March-October, we are extreme and we like to live on the edge soooo....he started in November...just in time for the worst months of the year for a budding Fencing and Welding business.  Has he been there for us....why yes he has!  Have I chanted my mantra in the shower for the entire length of my shower....why yes I have!  But the great thing is that God has never left us or forsaken us in our time of need.  What a comfort to us to know that God will be there to provide for our needs whenever we call on him.

This morning in church, our band sang a song about prayer and it really did resound with me and I have added it to my mantra!  You gotta keep prayin!  Sometimes I think about how the Lord has brought Jason and me to this place in our lives were we are solely relying on him to provide for us and to guide us in this earthly existence and I am brought to my knees by his mighty plan.  I know that God has great and mighty plans for us as a family.  We are his for the using and that is what has brought about my blog.

Almost a year ago, I went to a ladies retreat with some of the women at our church and I listened to a speaker by the name of Jen Hatmaker!  This woman changed my life and I will forever be so grateful to her for introducing my to God's Plan.  In the day I spent listening to her I realized that I was meant for more than just being a Wife, Mom, Teacher, Wanna-Be Guitar player!  I am meant to bring glory and honor to the Kingdom of God and I realized that I have been sitting on talents that are meant to spread the Good News!  So while writing may or may not be my venue, this blog will get me started.  This morning our pastor said something that really touched me....it was early on because I volunteered to lock myself in a classroom of wonderfully energetic and curious kids ages 3-13 as a stand in Sunday School Teacher, but I digress!  Anywhooooo.... he said that his dad used to tell him that whatever you spend the first day of the year doing is what you will continue to do throughout the year and I am excited about that because today is the day that God moved me to start sharing my stories about what he has done for me.  I pray that my experiences as a mother, a wife, a teacher, a learning christian woman who loves the Lord with all of my heart, will touch someone else!  May God Bless you all in this New Year!